"Friend of the show" Trevor Mayes wrote a cool little screenplay called 23 MINUTES. It happens to be
the most viewed 10PTT in this here neck of the woods. Much of that is because Trevor can write. Really, really write. He loves words and images, sounds and feelings. When the author adores their tools, worships their craft, there's no mistaking it. That kind of thing blooms riotously on the page. You can't stop it, not with garden shears, not with chainsaws, not even with whatever vicious weed killer you care to slosh all over the place.
When I read Trevor's FIRE FIGHT script -- it's another terrific read -- I knew I had to share it with you. Like Fox network's Masked Magician, I knew I had to slip behind the scenes and reveal how the magic happens.
It's a simple process -- one you're familiar with if you've read other 10PTTs. I take the first ten pages of the script and I highlight the hard-working bits in various colors to make them stand out on the page. Sort of like watching a naked magician on stage: all the wires and apparatus and gizmos are plain to see, no longer hidden up his or her sleeves. What you lose in wow factor you gain in appreciation for the skill applied.
Hey, how come that's not a thing yet: the Naked Magician...? That should totally be a thing. Somebody other than Penn Jillette make that happen please.
When the sentences turn transparent and you glimpse the circuit board beneath, it's a real "Ah-ha!" moment for growing writers. It helps define why some writing feels like the author spun you around and strapped rocket-powered wings to your back and other writing feels like the author kicked you into a swimming pool brimming with quicksand.
Here's the markup legend:
GREEN = Strong, active verbs
YELLOW = Figurative language (connotation)
BLUE = Strong, effective adjectives
There may be overlap in how I've applied those categories, and it's likely I missed some things. Just let your eye take in each whole page, survey the broad strokes of color, and you'll understand what's going on despite my errors and omissions.
I'm not adding comments to each page. This 10PTT is illustrative only -- a testament to what can be achieved when you follow the basic, proven writing rules.
I do have one or two general observations before I hand over the pages.
RACE/RACES - 6 times
RUSH/RUSHES - 5 times
I didn't noticed the repetition while reading. So, I can't really say these words are overused based on their tally across ten pages. It struck me only when doing the markup later. But, I do see an opportunity to go back and swap in some other punchy verbs.
As you scan through the green dynamic verbs, pay attention to their syllable count. It's mostly one or two. Short, powerful verbs pack a wallop.
All righty! It's strap-on time!
(It goes without saying: the Rocketeer's trousers must be made from fantastically heat-resistant kevlar...)
